DesiYaari.com Miscellaneous Videos Feed

Idiots on the computer

Fri, 17 Oct 2008 10:30:38 GMT

Any time you feel dumb, don't worry. Check out the following excerpts from a "Wall Street Journal" article by Jim Carlton. Lots of people are dumber than you. 1. Compaq is considering changing the command "Press Any Key" to "Press Return Key" because of the many calls asking where the "Any" key is. 2. AST technical support had a caller complaining that her mouse was hard to control with the dust cover on. The cover turned out to be the plastic bag the mouse was packaged in. 3. Another Compaq technician received a call from a man complaining that the system wouldn't read word processing files from his old diskettes. After trouble-shooting for magnets and heat failed to diagnose the problem, it was found that the customer labeled the diskettes by rolling them into a typewriter to type on them. 4. Another AST customer was asked to send a copy of her defective diskettes. A few days later a letter arrived from the customer along with Xeroxed copies of the floppies. 5. A Dell technician advised his customer to put his troubled floppy back in the drive and close the door. The customer asked the tech to hold on, and was then heard putting the phone down, getting up and crossing the room to close the door to his room. 6. Another Dell customer called to say he couldn't get his computer to fax anything. After 40 minutes of trouble-shooting, the technician discovered the man was trying to fax a piece of paper by holding it in front of the monitor screen and hitting the "send" key. 7. Another Dell customer needed help setting up a new program, so a Dell tech suggested he go to the local Egghead. "Yeah, I got me a couple of friends," the customer replied. When told "Egghead" was a software store, the man said, "Oh, I thought you meant for me to find a couple of geeks." 8. Yet another Dell customer called to complain that his keyboard no longer worked. He had cleaned it by filling up his tub with soap and water and soaking the keyboard for a day, then removing all the keys and washing them individually. 9. A Dell technician received a call from a customer who was enraged because his computer had told him he was "bad and an invalid". The tech explained that the computer's "bad command" and "invalid" responses shouldn't be taken personally. 10. An exasperated caller to Dell Computer Tech Support couldn't get her new Dell Computer to turn on. After ensuring that the computer was plugged in, the technician asked her what happened when she pushed the power button. Her response, "I pushed and pushed on this foot pedal and nothing happens." The "foot pedal" turned out to be the computer's mouse. 11. Another customer called Compaq tech support to say her brand-new computer wouldn't work. She said she unpacked the unit, plugged it in, and sat there for 20 minutes waiting for something to happen. When asked what happened when she pressed the power switch, she asked "What power switch?" 12. True story from a Novell NetWire SysOp: Caller: "Hello, is this Tech Support?" Tech: "Yes, it is. How may I help you?" Caller: "The cup holder on my PC is broken and I am within my warranty period. How do I go about getting that fixed?" Tech: "I'm sorry, but did you say a "cup holder"?" Caller: "Yes, it's attached to the front of my computer." Tech: "Please excuse me if I seem a bit stumped; it's because I am. Did you receive this as part of a promotion, like at a trade show? How did you get this cup holder? Does it have any trademark on it?" Caller: "It came with my computer, I don't know anything about a promotional. It just has '4X' on it." At this point the Tech Rep had to mute the caller, because he couldn't stand it. The caller had been using the load drawer of the CD-ROM drive as a cup holder, and snapped it off the drive! Another well-known one that I can add is the true tale of the user who called up complaining that the instructions said to load the four diskettes into "Drive A" but he couldn't possibly get more than two in.

Costume Party

Fri, 17 Oct 2008 10:30:38 GMT

A couple was invited to a swanky Halloween party by a family friend, in which all attendees were required to wear a mask. The wife got a terrible headache and told her husband to go to the party alone, and to make sure to say hello to her family. He, being a devoted husband, protested, but she argued and said she was going to take some aspirin and go to bed and there was no need for his good time to be spoiled by not going. So he took his costume and away he went. The wife, after sleeping soundly for about an hour, woke without pain and as it was still early, decided to go to the party. As her husband didn't know what her costume was, she thought she would have some fun by watching her husband to see how he acted when she was not with him. So she joined the party and soon spotted her husband in his costume, cavorting around on the dance floor, dancing with every nice "chick" he could and copping a little feel here and a little kiss there. His wife went up to him and being a rather seductive babe herself, he left his new partner high and dry and devoted his time to her. She let him go as far as he wished, naturally, since he was her husband. After more drinks he finally whispered a little proposition in her ear and she agreed, so off they went to one of the cars and had passionate intercourse in the back seat. Just before unmasking at midnight, she slipped away and went home and put the costume away and got into bed, wondering what kind of explanation he would make up for his outrageous behaviour. She was sitting up reading when he came in, so she asked what kind of time he had. "Oh, the same old thing. You know I never have a good time when you're not there." Then she asked, "Did you dance much?" He replied, "I'll tell you, I never even danced one dance. When I got there, I met Pete, Bill Brown and some other guys, so we went into the spare room and played poker all evening." "You must have looked really silly wearing that costume playing poker all night!" she said with unashamed sarcasm. "Actually, I gave my costume to your brother, apparently he had the time of his life."

Good Alaskan Fishing

Fri, 17 Oct 2008 10:30:38 GMT

The day after his wife disappeared in a kayaking accident, an Anchorage man answered his door to find two grim-faced Alaska State Troopers. "We're sorry Mr. Wilkens, but we have some information about your wife," said one trooper. "Tell me! Did you find her?!" Wilkens shouted. The troopers looked at each other. One said, "We have some bad news, some good news, and some really great news. Which do you want to hear first?" Fearing the worst, an ashen Mr. Wilkens said, "Give me the bad news first." The trooper said, "I'm sorry to tell you, sir, but this morning we found your wife's body in Kachemak Bay." "Oh my God!" exclaimed Wilkens. Swallowing hard, he asked, "what's the good news?" The trooper continued, "When we pulled her up, she had 12 twenty-five pound king crabs and 6 good-size Dungeness crabs clinging to her." Stunned, Mr. Wilkens demanded, "If that's the good news, what's the great news?" The trooper said, "We're going to pull her up again tomorrow."

when you're in deep shit

Sat, 06 Sep 2008 07:12:54 GMT

A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field. While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him. As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was. The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy. A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him. Morals of the story: (1) Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy. (2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend. (3) And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep your mouth shut!

Miser's Final Wish

Tue, 02 Sep 2008 07:49:10 GMT

An armless man in a long jacket walks into a bathroom and stands by a urinal... Soon seeing he needs help to use the toilet he asks a close by man, " Can you help me point my penis" ? The man reluctantly accepted but, decided not to look at the mans penis. After a few seconds of holding it he thinks, " Hey! I'm grabbing it right"? " So I should look, I have a right"! He looks down at the mans member and sees that is beyond hideous. Startled he jumps back and lets go, asking. " What the hell is wrong with it ?" The "armless" man pulls his arms out of his jacket and says "I dunno, but, I ain't touching' it." and walks away.

Where Babies Come From

Tue, 02 Sep 2008 07:49:30 GMT

One afternoon a little girl excitedly approached her mother, and announced that she had learned where babies come from at school that day. Amused, her mother replied, "Really, sweetie? Why don't you tell me all about it?" The little girl explained, "Well... OK... the mommy and daddy take off all of their clothes, and the daddy's thing sort of stands up, and the mommy puts it in her mouth, and then it sort of explodes, and that's where babies come from." Her mom shook her head, leaned over to meet her eye to eye, and said, "Oh, honey, that's sweet, but that's not where babies come from. That's where jewelry comes from."

Three Guys Share A Bed

Tue, 02 Sep 2008 07:49:30 GMT

Three guys had to spend the night at a hotel and share a double bed. In the morning, the guy on the right said "I had this great dream last night, that a girl gave me a handjob" The guy on the left replied "That's weird so did I" Finally, the guy in the middle said "Lucky for you guys...I only dream's I was skiing"

The Worm Trick

Tue, 02 Sep 2008 07:49:30 GMT

Grandpa watched Tommy pull a worm out of the ground and told him that he would give him 10 bucks if he could put it back in. Tommy left for a bit and said "Ok Grandpa, watch this". Tommy then pushed the worm right back down in the hole. The Grandpa got out the 10 dollars and gave it to Tommy. Tommy said "Grandpa I can't keep this because I cheated. I sprayed the worm with hair spray. That's why I was able to do that." Grandpa said "No, you keep it." The next morning at breakfast Grandpa walked up to Tommy and gave him another 10 bucks. Tommy said "No Grandpa. You already paid me." Grandpa replied "That money was from Grandma."

The Swedish Student

Tue, 02 Sep 2008 07:49:30 GMT

At a local college, there was a dance. A guy from America asked the girl from Sweden to dance. While they were dancing, he gives her a little squeeze, and says, "In America, we call this a hug". She replies, "Yaah, in Sveden, we call it a hug too." A little later, he gives her a peck on the cheek, and says, "In America, we call this a kiss". She replies, "Yaah, in Sveden, we call it a kiss too." Towards the end of the night, and a lot of drinks later, he takes her out on the campus lawn, and proceeds to have sex with her, and says, "In America, we call this a grass sandwich". She says, "Yaaah in Sveden, we call it a grass sandwich too, but we usually put more meat in it."

The Stuck Vibrator

Tue, 02 Sep 2008 07:49:30 GMT

A lady called her gynecologist, and asked for an "emergency" appointment. The receptionist said to come right in. She rushed to the office, and was ushered right into an examination room. The doctor came into the exam room and asked about her problem. She was very shy about her emergency problem, and asked the gynecologist to please examine her vagina. So the doctor started to examine her. He stuck up his head after completing his examination. "I'm sorry, Miss," he said, "but removing that vibrator is going to involve a very lengthy , delicate and expensive surgical operation." "I'm not sure I can afford it," sighed the young woman. "But while I am here could you just replace the batteries? "

Nude Beach

Tue, 02 Sep 2008 07:49:30 GMT

A mother and father took their 6 year old son to a nude beach. As the boy walked along the beach, he noticed that some of the ladies had boobs bigger than his mother's, and asked her why. She told her son, "The bigger they are the dumber the person is." The boy, pleased with the answer, goes to play in the ocean but returns to tell his mother that many of the men have larger willies than his dad. His mother replied, "The bigger they are the dumber the person is." Again satisfied with this answer, the boy returns to the ocean to play. Shortly after, the boy returned again. He promptly tells his mother, "Daddy is talking to the dumbest girl on the beach and the longer he talks, the dumber he gets."

Americans

Mon, 01 Sep 2008 02:36:58 GMT

She asks her students to raise their hands if they were American too. Not really knowing why but wanting to be like their teacher, their hands explode into the air like flashy fireworks. There is, however, one exception. A girl named Kristen has not gone along with the crowd. The teacher asks her why she has decided to be different. "Because I am not an American." "Then", asks the teacher, "What are you?" "I'm a proud Canadian," boasts the little girl. The teacher is a little perturbed now, her face slightly red. She asks Kristen why she is a Canadian. "Well, my mom and dad are Canadians, so I'm a Canadian too." The teacher is now angry. "That's no reason," she says loudly. "What if your mom was a moron, and your dad was a moron. What would you be then?" A pause, and a smile. "Then," says Kristen, "I'd be an American."

Valentines Slogans

Tue, 02 Sep 2008 07:49:30 GMT

10. I admire your strength, I admire your spunk, But the thing I like best, is getting you drunk. 9. Our love will never become cold and hollow, Unless, one day, you refuse to swallow. 8. I bought this Valentine's card at the store, In hopes that, later, you'd be my whore. 7. This feels so good, it feels so right, I just wish it wasn't $250 a night. 6. You're a woman of style, you're a woman of class, Especially when I'm spanking, your big-round-fat ass. 5. Before I met you, my heart was so famished, But now I'm fulfilled. . . SO MAKE ME A SAMICH!!! 4. Through all the things that came to pass, Our love has grown. . . but so's your ass. 3. You're a honey. . . and you're a cutie, I just wished you had J-Lo's "booty". 2. I don't wanna be sappy or silly or corny, So right to the point, let's do it, I'm horny! 1. If you think that hickey looks like a blister. You should check out the one that I gave to your sister!

Aliens are Sneaky

Tue, 02 Sep 2008 07:49:30 GMT

An alien walks into a bar and sits next to a drunk guy and begins poking him in the shoulder. The drunk guy just ignores him. After a wile the guy turns to the alien and begins looking him up and down. He notices that the alien has no genitalia. He then asks "You guys have no genitalia, how do you guy have sex?" The alien, still poking him in the arm, just smiles!

Imagine if all the major brands started selling their own condoms

Tue, 04 Nov 2008 04:01:26 GMT

Imagine if all the major brands started selling their own condoms and kept their original tag-lines.

Sainsbury condoms - making life taste better

Tesco Condoms - every little helps

Nike Condoms - Just do it

Peugeot Condoms - The ride of your life

KFC Condoms - Finger Licking good

Minstrels Condoms - melt in your mouth, not in your hand

Safeway Condoms - Lightening the load

Abbey National Condoms - because life is complicated enough

Coca Cola Condoms - The real thing

Ever Ready Condoms - keep going and going

Pringles Condoms - once you pop, you can't stop

Burger King Condoms - Home of the Whopper

Goodyear Condoms - "for a longer ride, go wide"

Muller light condoms - so much pleasure, but where's the pain?

Flash Condoms - Just sit back, relax and let flash do all the hard work

Halford Condoms - we go the extra mile

Royal Mail Condoms - I saw this and thought of you

Andrex Condoms - Soft, strong and very very long

Renault Condoms - size really does matter!

Domestos Condoms - gets right in the rim

Heineken Condoms -reaches parts that other condoms just cannot reach

Carlsberg Condoms - probably the best condom in the world

Pepperami Condoms - its a bit of an animal

Polo Condoms - the condom with the hole!! (VERY poor seller !!)

McDonalds Condoms - I'm Lovin' it!

Intel condoms - Intel inside..
ebay.co.uk condoms - Your condom is stronger..

Churchill condoms........."Oh, YES!!"

FirstPlus condom - Carol helps you keep track of what you spend with an easy to manage package.

Digital Spy condoms - "You Are In...."

marmite condoms - you either love it or hate it

Mr Muscle Condoms- Let Mr Muscle do all the jobs you hate

Cillit Bang Condoms- BANG! And the spunk is gone.

Mark and Spencer Condoms - not just an ordinary rubber, but a super strength extra special Mark and Spencer......

Road saftey condom: Think once, think twice, think BIKE

Tourist condom: Discover Ireland

Heinz - 57 varieties and positions

Sony - Contreception like.no.other

Nokia - Connecting even more people

Cillit Bang - Bang! and the semen is gone

Cadbury's Milk tray Condoms - For what the lady loves AFTER milk tray

Cadbury's Flake Condoms - Six inches of heaven

Quickfit condom: There's no one quicker than a quickfit fitter

Fizzy drink Condom: You know when you've been Tango'd